Two years ago, I made a very difficult decision: to no longer be in a relationship with a wonderful person. Although I had a lot of love for him, I felt like he had put me second amongst the other things that he had going on in his life.
And while I was hurt by his lack of effort towards us and me, I do not blame him for what happened. It is all how it is meant to be. And, it has taken me some time to see that.
During this time, I have had moments of missing him, dreams about him, being angry at him and wishing him well. Ultimately, I have concluded that we were not meant to be but that whoever he ends up with would be very fortunate to have him in their life.
Throughout this process, here are three things that I learned from getting over a recent past relationship.
1. I am responsible for my life.
Sometimes it is more challenging to let go of a relationship with someone that you still have respect for. It can also be harder to accept any pain that they have inflicted on you. Because in loving relationships, sometimes we hurt others (intentionally and unintentionally).
It was only until I left the city that we both lived in did I begin to process how much being put in second place (in his life) hurt me. It also brought up past internal emotional pain and led me to choosing myself as a result of seeing that only I was capable of doing so.
I learned that I had to prioritize my health and my well-being over being with someone who I loved, which was tough but I don’t regret the decision I made. If I had stayed, I would blame him for more responsibility than he should put on himself and that wouldn’t have been fair.
2. It is okay to mourn the idea of what was supposed to be.
I remember being on the airplane leaving Los Angeles to Miami and wondering what that meant for us and what we had become. At this time we had already broken up but he was still a dear person to me, in my life.
I sat looking outside the window as we took off and began to cry like I hadn’t cried in a while. I didn’t know that I still had some of those feelings towards him. I didn’t know that I hadn’t fully mourned the idea of us, because he had still been in my life.
For the first time, I could see clearly a future without him as anything in my life and it was very hard. Throughout the beginning of my healing process, things began to get much better. I did what I had to do to isolate myself from him and what he represented in my life. And, it did get better. While I went through the normal stages of grief, I am glad that I gave myself permission to fully embrace what I needed to in order to heal and move on from the past.
3. It is normal to get emotional about memories from time-to-time.
Every now and then, I will see him as a public figure and doing some press. In the beginning, I would flinch when I saw him in an interview or even when his name was mentioned. Then I remembered that I can’t run from him or his face. I will have to see him from time-to-time.
While I don’t recommend dating anyone in the limelight, it has taught me strength like no other. It has encouraged me to dig deep into my feelings when I see him on a public forum or setting and, to take accountability of my emotions or actions after I have seen him. It has been a catalyst of my recent inner healing and growth.
If I have any feelings of resentment, anger or sadness when I see him or hear his name, I am patient with myself and internally question if I have moved on from him or what I need to do to be at peace with what I have chosen in my life.
I believe that I made two great decisions: to have him in my life when I did and, to no longer do so anymore. With all the love that I have for him, I wish him well and send positivity his way. I don’t physically have to be next to him to do so. I accept that I can love him from a distance.