Over a year ago, I ended a relationship because I felt like it no longer became a mentally safe place for me to be. I felt as though I was being put second in his life and it became painful to be in.

Even though it has been quite some time, I was still in the same city as he was and the lockdowns made it almost impossible for me to live there. So, as I have moved, I feel like I can properly heal. I would be lying if I didn’t say that it feels great to be free of him and the prospect of bumping into him- maybe more than I really should.

I’m a true Aquarius and I appreciate and love freedom. And, I felt stifled by his empty promises and energetic bond where he proclaimed we would be together. With this liberty, I can now speak my truth and move forward with love.

Here are 3 more things that I have learned about break-ups recently:

1. Being angry (for a certain amount of time) is okay.

I had promised myself that I wouldn’t get angry at him because I still believe he is genuinely a good person. The thing about life is that sometimes good people can still hurt you and it’s okay to speak up about it.

I was in the shower and it dawned on me that I was actually angry at him for putting me second during the lockdowns and it brought up a lot of my childhood abandonment issues. Where (as a child) I felt like there is always someone else above me who got the love that I wanted first.

Even though I tried to shun this feeling, it was still evident in the fact that I put him first and he didn’t with me. It was my choice and I don’t regret it but I can’t deny the anger that I felt towards him for choosing others over me.

2. Do what you need to do to heal from it.

When I ended the relationship, I was concerned for him because I didn’t want him to end up with a drinking problem again as he was in recovery.

I was more concerned with his well-being than my own. I would pray for him, check on him and send him well wishes because I couldn’t fathom anything bad happening to him or him drinking again.

I am aware that I made that choice and don’t regret making it because I don’t want anything to happen to him and I still wish him the best but it hurts to look back and see all that I did for him and the same was not reciprocated.

So, I took physical, mental and energetic space from him to heal and the process is not easy but is necessary and worth it.

3. The process of elimination is worth it.

After every break-up, I feel a little sense of relief that I tried it and it didn’t work out. Especially in this instance.

I ended a relationship with someone who is one that many lust after and hope to meet and get to know. I did and it was great, the good and the bad.

I learned (again) that just because someone appears to be ideal for a relationship in their appearance, stature and prominence does not mean that they are suited for me.

The person for me is on the way. And sometimes it takes letting go of the fake dream to realize that.