Image from Unsplash
If you had asked me two years ago what a twin flame was, I would’ve shrugged my shoulders and quickly forgotten what the question was right after.
However, today, my understanding of it is very clear because I have been on this twin flame/soulmate journey (from what I can recall) for almost a decade.
*Twin flame is another person living of which you share the same vibration. Someone who is an extension of you but in an another form. It is not always romantic and some people refer to it as a soulmate connection.
Nine years ago, I was working as a bartender at a restaurant in SOHO, New York. One day, The Chef of the restaurant (where I worked) came up to and asked to read my palm. As he began to read my palm, he told me many things that were accurate at the time. Then, he began to tell me that I would come across my soulmate soon. He said that my soulmate is famous and that he would show up at my job and some other things too.
He then told me that my soulmate would send me a gift and I would be in awe. He said that once we were in a relationship, we would be very happy.
Truth be told, I had many many doubts about the story of my soulmate. So, I forgot about it. When he had told me the story, I was a 21 year old who had almost married someone who was very toxic for me and my life. Hence, me being apprehensive about the story or being with anyone who could make me happy.
Many years went by and random psychics would come up to me and tell me the same story. That I would marry someone famous in the music industry who is my soul mate/ twin flame. I had even gone to a tarot card reader about my career in 2014 and he mentioned that my soul mate and I would cross paths many times until one day, he would show up at my job.
I felt like I was running away from this story and it kept following me. Over the years, I would have dreams about a music producer whom I admired .I would dream that he was calling me. I never thought that the call was from my twin flame/ soulmate. I felt a deep connection to him and I wasn’t sure why. I felt like I had to know him and I had never felt like this about anyone, not even people that I had really loved. The feelings were never romantic but i had a deep need to be next to him. Although I had this deep feeling sometimes, I avoided doing any research about his personal life because I didn’t want to taint how I felt about him.
Fast forward a few years to 2018, I am 29 years old and living in Los Angeles working at a yoga studio as front desk one night. And, a random lady walks in to tell me that I am about to get married. I was shocked out of my mind because marriage was the last thing on my list and deep down, the whole idea of marriage scared me. She mentioned that he was in love with my country of origin, South Africa, he was in the music industry and that he was a kind person. Randomly, the name of the producer whom I admired and felt a deep connection to, came to my head. I thought, could it be him?
I asked her how I would know that it was him and she said, ‘God will send you signs’. Truthfully, I don’t believe many people but I believed her with all of my heart because she seemed sincere and honest.
Two months later, my roommate (who didn’t know anything about the situation) came up to me and said that he had to read my tarot cards. I was in a rush and asked him if I could do it another day. He was forceful about it and so I gave in, I told him that he could. He told me that my soulmate would come into my life soon. That we had crossed paths many times but would meet very soon. He said that he would come to my yoga class in the next week. My intuition shouted the same music producer’s name into my head but I shrugged it off. I thought, of all the people that it could be, why him?
The following Wednesday, the music producer who I had admired showed up to take my yoga class. While I was teaching the class, I realized many things: that we had crossed paths many times in the yoga studio, that my intuition about being close to him was true and that he was my soulmate.
Today, we are still on the journey of separation, meaning that we are not together. Which will end at some point. Hopefully in this lifetime.
Throughout this journey, this is what I have learnt about the soulmate/ twin flame journey.
1. You cannot run away from it.
Since I found out who he truly was, persona-wise, I spent a lot of time running away from him and what came with him: the party lifestyle. I started telling some of my friends the story of how I was being told that I am meant to be with him and they told me that he was going to use me in a sexual way. They had seen his social media and seen women being portrayed in a sexual light. As a defense mechanism, I began to run away from him. He would talk to me or make eye contact with me and I would avoid him at all costs. Sometimes looking at the ceiling when he tried to speak to me. Only up until a week ago, did I realize that I have been the one running away from him, before I thought he was running away from me. Which was clear projection on my part. He has sent me signs and wrote a song that he is ready for this but I was too busy holding his past against him to see beyond judgement and fear. Out of fear, I ran into another relationship only to realize that fear is the opposite of growth. Fear stifles love. So, I am choosing now to love him, completely.
2. Forgiveness is key.
A year ago, I was ready to take the leap with him until I would see images of women dancing on his Instagram page that made me feel uneasy. To add icing to the cake, I had heard that he got into a public argument on Twitter with another DJ/Producer and the person he was arguing with said that he had a long negative history with women. After reading this, internally, I exploded with judgement and anger. I was saddened and disappointed that he, the twin flame/ soulmate, could be so irresponsible with his responsibility as a public figure. I also became jealous that he was spending time with other women and not me. I asked myself, what was he waiting for to be with me? I held onto this anger, resentment and jealousy for months and months. So much so that, I would go onto his Instagram page, and judge him for being a womanizer and pray that I never ended up with him. I was angry and hurt by judgement and fear that I had created in my own head. It was eating me up. After being tortured for so long, I decided to release the anger because it was only bringing me down and doing the opposite of what I want to achieve in This World: to create peace and love. It has been a process, one that I am still on but the overall outcome feels better on my mind and my body.
3. Love is not cautious.
While I was running away from this man, I found myself in a relationship with someone else. Not only was I in the relationship but I was forcing to be with someone that I wasn’t mean to be with. I knew that it wasn’t meant to be because there wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t think about the producer- even when I was in my new man’s arms. You see, twin flame connection makes you feel what the other person feels, emotionally and spiritually. I could feel that my twin flame knew that I was in a relationship and he was sad about it. I’m not sure how he found out but I could feel his pain in my heart when I thought about him and it made me sad. Last week, I had the biggest epiphany that I had been playing safe with my twin flame when, love is not safe. Love is great! But, love can be painful, hurtful, upsetting, heartbreaking, disappointing and emotional. But, love is powerful and love always wins. Loving with caution is not true love. So, I broke up with the new guy and have decided to be with my twin flame- whenever that day is.
4. The Universe has a plan.
After my twin flame took my yoga class, I received a lot of signs from The Universe. One of them is that when I was watching an interview with him, he said that he had a tattoo of his favourite animal on a specific part of his body. Kid you not, my mouth fell on the floor as my phone fell out of my hand. I was in such shock because I have a tattoo of my favourite animal on the same part of my body. My mind was blown at how this could’ve happened. Within the next week, everywhere that I went, I would hear his music. I would meet people who had met him or know him and would mention his name in passing until one day, I saw a billboard of his face outside of Trader Joe’sand almost fell on the floor. Even though I received all these signs, it took me some time to realize that it was out of my control. I have always been able to control men, situations and the path of my destiny. So, it was daunting to admit that I couldn’t this time. Only recently have I released complete control over this because I know that The Universe has a plan bigger than I can imagine and I am grateful to be in caring and supportive hands.
5. This kind of relationship is meant for spiritual growth.
In this life, I have suffered a lot of emotional pain from unavailable men. 3 years ago, I was in a steady relationship with someone who I thought that I was going to marry, I became pregnant and had a miscarriage. Following the miscarriage, I ended the relationship because my boyfriend (at the time) was not there for me, emotionally or spiritually. Since then, I have had my guard up in the biggest way. I developed this mentality that I would need to protect myself because I felt like I had been to blame for my miscarriage and the sucky position that I had been in. So, I promised to ignore men that I thought would cause me harm. When I met my twin flame, I felt like he was kind and loving towards me but I became tainted by what I had heard about him and seen on his Instagram. I began to ignore him to protect myself, forgetting that The Universe has my back. Sure, we go through experiences for a reason and we shouldn’t learn the same thing more than once. However, I have learnt that if The Universe has sent me so many signs that this relationship is meant to be, I am only fighting what is in my cards. Today, here I am. With an open mind and an open heart. Deeply curious of what might come if we were together. I have let go of the need to be safe, strong and secure because a lot of life is releasing and admitting that safety is a figment of imagination. I am open to the unknown and open to what this story is. I trust the signs and believe in my twin flame/soulmate connection.
