4 More things that I am healing from generational trauma.

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In the past year, I have had the fortune to heal immensely and I am so grateful. I used to think that healing was about what I was going through at that time until I met my most recent partner, who had narcissistic tendencies. I spent some time blaming him until I had to understand how I had allowed it and what had led me to that point. 

As I started to delve deep into healing from that relationship, many things rushed to the surface and so my healing began. 

We are always in the process of healing; however, we can acknowledge the how we have healed up until now. 

Here are 4 generational traumas that I am healing from:

1. Thinking that femininity is weak. 

We place a lot of emphasis on male toxicity and it can be detrimental to society. However, we make it seem as though women or feminine energy is weak and incapable of destruction- this is not true. Divine feminine is very powerful and once we heal ourselves, we can tap into that energy that is one of surrendering, trusting and being led. 

I am proud to say that a lot of my energy is that of surrendering and allowing. I want a divine masculine energy to enter my life and take on a leadership role. So that we can create magic together, the divine feminine and the divine masculine. 

2. Leaving the female cult. 

I went to an All Girls’ School for most of my life and it was one of the worst experiences I have been through. I was bullied to think like others, told I was fat and when I behaved differently, I would be ridiculed. Going to this School introduced me to societal female cult that many of us promote without us acknowledging.

I, too, have been a bully and been an example of how a toxic feminine energy embodies herself and it was only until I accepted that I was a destructive force that I was able to change my ways. 

I have left the group thinking that women need to always stick together or that a woman can do no wrong because it allowed me to act harmfully and accept harmful behavior. 

3. Thinking that Mother’s are God’s gift to earth. 

If you had told me a year ago that I would choose to not have my Mother in my life, I would’ve asked you what is wrong with you. It’s interesting that my healing has led me to forgiving my parents and deciding to no longer have my Mother in my life. 

It seems like a harsh decision; however, there comes a time in our lives when we have to decide what is good for us and when we are done fighting and putting up with emotional abuse from others. 

As a society, we focus on the screw-ups of our Fathers but, are too afraid to admit the harsh truths of Mothers. Most are manipulative, unkind and are trying to have their children be how they want them to be and not how God wants them to be. The meanest things that anyone has ever said to me have come from my Mother’s mouth and that is why she has tried to keep me silent by manipulating me and portraying me as a bad person. However, I am so at peace with who I am and the decisions that I have made that I have forgiven, told my truth and I let it go. 

If we are really at peace with ourselves, we don’t need to force someone else to think a certain way. We love how we think and we love how others think. That is true love. 

4. Loving without conditions. 

I’ve briefly touched on this in former articles. I grew up in a culture that was raised to think that just because you go to a good school, are fed and dressed that you are loved. This is not true. A parents job is to do those things that I mentioned and I am sincerely grateful for it but using what we give to someone against them is not love; it is manipulation and guilt. 

I have had some great examples of love from other adults and from my Father. However, as an adult, I have had to re-learn love without conditions and have decided to shed the idea that forcing someone to think and act the way that I want them to is love. Love is patient and kind- not controlling. I am glad that I have been able to see this and can embody acceptance, kindness and truth as love. 

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*This is a memoir-style and is not based on facts.

9 Choses que quelqu'un pourrait vous dire quand il vous met à gaz.

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Avez-vous déjà quitté une expérience et vous êtes-vous demandé ce qui s'est passé avec une autre personne? Et, presque l'impression qu'une vérité vous a été enfoncée dans la gorge qui n'était pas la vérité? Ou, comme si vous posiez une question à quelqu'un et que vous vous sentiez fou de la poser? J'ai et cela s'appelle être au gaz ou quelqu'un qui vous éclaire au gaz.

Le terme serait dérivé de l'histoire d'un couple où un mari et une femme dînaient tous les soirs et éteignaient certaines lumières, sa réponse était de lui demander s'il le faisait et il disait non. Il a fait ça pendant si longtemps qu'après un certain temps, elle a cessé de demander. C'est ce que le gaslighting est censé faire. Il s'agit de créer une dissonance cognitive chez une personne qui est manipulée ou maltraitée afin que la personne qui est victime de ce comportement devienne une coquille d'elle-même et ne sache pas le bien du mal ou ne puisse pas dire la vérité parce qu'elle est devenue tellement déformée.

J'ai vécu cela dans tous les domaines: dans ma famille, dans des situations de travail et dans les cercles d'amitié. C'est pourquoi il est important d'avoir confiance et de parler d'un lieu d'honnêteté, toujours!

Si vous pensez que quelqu'un vous éclaire au gaz, voici 9 façons dont cela pourrait vous arriver:

1. Vous posez une question à quelqu'un sur quelque chose que vous savez être vrai et on vous dit que vous voyez des choses ou que vous l'avez inventé.

2. Vous confrontez quelqu'un à ce que vous ressentez à propos de quelque chose qu'il a fait ou de la façon dont vous avez été traité et il s'en retourne contre vous. Par exemple, «Si vous ne me faisiez pas ça (quand vous le faisiez), je n’agirais pas de cette façon.

3. Quelqu'un utilise vos vulnérabilités contre vous en vous appelant par des noms ou en les armant dans une dispute ou un désaccord.

4. Vous dites à quelqu'un un secret, il le dit aux autres et vous blâme ensuite de le lui avoir révélé. Ils disent des choses comme: «Vous savez que vous ne pouvez pas me faire confiance».

5. Vous ne pouvez jamais obtenir une vraie réponse de quelqu'un.

6. Quand quelqu'un disparaît après avoir dit qu'il serait là et vous blâme pour son absence.

7. Lorsque vous racontez à quelqu'un une histoire qui vous est arrivée et qu'il vous dit: «Êtes-vous sûr?» Ou «Peut-être que cela ne s'est pas produit».

8. Lorsque vous quittez une personne avec l’impression que vous ne pouvez rien dire parce que cette personne ne croit pas tout ce que vous lui dites ou vous combat au lieu de vous écouter.

9. Quand quelqu'un vous dit de ne pas faire confiance à votre intuition.

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9 Ways to de-stress.

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We are in some pretty hectic times and although life can’t always be easy and smooth, we must remember that stress has a direct correlation to the increase of illnesses and deaths because it impacts our immune system. 

So, please make sure that you are taking steps to calm yourself so that your body can restore. Physical trauma can leave un-necessary wear and tear. 

Here are 9 ways to de-stress: 

1. Meditation. 

2. Light lavender candles. 

3. Place lavender droplets on your bed. 

4. Massage your body with lavender oil. 

5. Yin Yoga, great for restoration: joint and tissue relaxation. 

6. Burn some sage, lavender incense or palo santo. 

7. Breathwork. 

8. Journaling: write down who you forgive and what you you want to let go of. 

9. Pray. Surrender your stresses to The High Power.

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9 Things that I am learning and re-learning at this time.

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It has been an interesting past few weeks. I have had my ups-and-downs and have had to surrender some things that I thought I knew. I had no idea that I had been clinging on to some beliefs that I no longer needed or needed to restart and God blessed me with the perfect time to do so. 

I offer my condolences to those who have lost their lives, lost loved ones or are in financial ruin at this time. What I have learnt and re-learnt has nothing to do with that. This is my journey apart from that at this time. 

Here are 9 Things that I am learning and re-learning at this time: 

1. It doesn’t matter what has broken you. It only matters that you put yourself together. We are not meant to be broken, we are meant to be whole. 

2. Wherever we go, there will be negativity. But good always wins. 

3. Sometimes you have to fight for your life and for what is right, over and over again. 

4. Judgement can be helpful as long as it doesn’t consume us with hate. 

5. Love takes many forms. 

6. There is always light. Even if it is a crack, focus on the light. 

7. When you shine bright, darkness will try to live off of that light. Protect your light. 

8. Simplicity is usually where our biggest and most prolific answers lie. 

9. We don’t know it all and are not meant to.

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12 Liberating things that I have learnt in life.

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Life is filled with lessons. Most of us go through life learning them for ourselves. As a stubborn Aquarius, I have a tendency to want to experience something (myself) in order for it to sink in, fully. And, sometimes that involves me going through a challenging account or event for it to it to fully be understood.

Honestly, I’ve fallen many times and gotten up many times. Life has been rough, fun, messy, challenging and imperfect but I would never take any of it back because, to me, that is the whole point.

Here are 12 liberating things that I have learnt:

1. I am not alive to prove anything to anyone else, only to myself.

2. I am not meant to be liked by everyone.

3. Growth is a choice.

4. Commitment does not have to be long-term to everyone.

5. Sometimes silence is profound.

6. Sometimes negativity in people and things is not worth acknowledging.

7. I am the last person that I should give up on.

8. Impossibilities can sometimes become possible.

9. Not everyone is meant to be my friend.

10. When someone doesn’t like me, that is their choice. I don’t have to force them to like me or change their mind about me.

11. My life is in my hands.

12. I can have an influence on someone else but I have no control over anyone else other than myself.

15 reasons to forgive

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Every three months, I take a yoga challenge. I practice hot yoga for thirty consecutive days and I also give myself thirty reasons to forgive.

Here are fifteen of my favourite from my last challenge:

1. I forgive because holding onto judgements about myself and others only shackles my mind and soul to negativity.

2. I forgive because I want to remember more than what has been done wrong to me.

3. I forgive because we are all humans. Counting what is wrong with others will only bring me down, how long can I keep fighting for?

4. I forgive because I am not a victim. Anything that has been done to me was not under my control.

5. I forgive because I will not allow negative people and negative situations to have a hold over my life.

6. I forgive because today is too beautiful to be spent judging and scrutinizing people around me.

7. I forgive because if I don't move past offense, I will drive myself crazy.

8. I forgive because I don't expect people to be kind, I merely appreciate those who are. The only way that I can appreciate those who are kind, is by forgiving those who are unkind.

9. I forgive because what has happened, has happened. It is time to let it go.

10. I forgive because in this imperfect human body I am in no state to hold anything against anyone.

11. I forgive because I can't expect others to live by my expectations.

12. I forgive because I can't re-write the past and I don't want to.

13. I forgive because my sense of peace is not worth sacrificing over something that happened in the past.

14. I forgive because I want to wish others well- including those who have hurt me.

15. I forgive because I want to have hope. Hope is not obtained by holding onto what has gone wrong