9 Things that I have had to let go of during quarantine.

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When we first went onto lockdown in March, I was dead set and stubborn about holding onto the way that I had seen and done things before. As I mentioned in my latest article, quarantine has been the most challenging time of my life and I have had to re-evaluate everything in my life. 

Right before quarantine, I pulled a tarot oracle card that said, ‘What are you clinging on to!’ I knew deep down that I had been holding on to a way of thinking that was unsustainable: one that meant I over-apologized, was concerned more of outward appearances and one that has left me depleted in loving relationships because I swallowed what I had to say to make sure that I wasn’t left alone or hurt anyone’s feelings.  

Through this challenging time, I have let go of a few things so that I rid myself of my self-inflicting pain. Here are nine of them: 

1. That jobs provide emotional security.

2. That others need to accept me before I accept myself. 

3. That I am able to control everything. 

4. That I know what the future will hold. 

5. That tomorrow is guaranteed or will look how it has looked before. 

6. That I have to surround myself with people who insist on correcting me, putting me into a box and shunning me. 

7. The idea that if I am alone then I am lonely. 

8. That it’s ever too late to do anything about something I want to change. 

9. That God has given up on me. 

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Ce qu'il a fallu pour m'atteindre.

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Il m'a fallu libérer ma victimisation auto-imposée

Pour me rejoindre

Il m'a fallu comprendre que les gens qui ne m'aiment pas pourraient ne jamais m'aimer Pour me rejoindre

Il m'a fallu libérer des gens qui sont censés m'aimer mais me ridiculiser Pour me rejoindre

Il m'a fallu voir réel comme réel et faux comme faux Pour me rejoindre

Il fallait être réel comme réel Pour me rejoindre

Il m'a fallu m'asseoir dans de profonds regrets et griefs Pour me rejoindre

Il m'a fallu regarder la lumière Pour me rejoindre Ça m'a pris confiance en Dieu Pour me rejoindre

Il m'a fallu comprendre que l'autonomisation est auto-gouvernée Pour me rejoindre

Il m'a fallu être en paix dans ma propre peau Pour me rejoindre

Il m'a fallu comprendre les situations, les gens et les choses sous tous les angles Pour me rejoindre

Il m'a fallu abandonner la nécessité de condamner et d'abandonner les autres Pour me rejoindre

Il m'a fallu choisir une vie meilleure pour moi Pour me rejoindre. Cliquez ici pour consulter nos cours d'école d'élévation.

3 Things that I have learnt about vultures.

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As hard as it is to admit this about life, a lot of it comes with vultures. People who take from others and are incapable of thinking of anyone else but themselves. All of us have aspects of this within- that is how we survive. However, there are some who lack the ability to look within, apologize and decide to give to someone without using it against that person in the future. 

These are vultures and they exist in all realms of life: family, friends, romantic relationships and work life. I’m not a psychologist or have studied psychology. However, I am a certified health coach and a spiritual guide. I have had many experiences with this behaviour, with others and even with myself. Until I chose to better myself, I was a vulture, too. 

Here are a few things that I have learnt about vultures: 

1. They give and love with conditions. 

Unfortunately, most of us are raised in a very selfish way of thinking. Many of us were taught and conditioned to believe that if I give to you, you owe me or I can use it against you in the future to make myself feel like a better person. I used to think this way. I have given and loved with conditions, tit-for-tat. This kind of conditioning is exhausting. I saw that when I expected others to give to me, it tired me because I was waiting on a day that night never come to me. 

Once, I learnt to give from a place of abundance, I released the need to get back. There is a difference between always giving and never receiving in return and, giving with the sole purpose to receive. The former is allowing ourselves to be used and the latter comes from a self-centered place. Vultures feel entitled to receive, so giving from abundance is not worthy of them doing. 

2. They can never really be happy. 

Have you ever been in the presence of someone who always has something negative to say about others? Sometimes I notice myself being that person and ask myself to focus on gratitude. I’m not sure why this is the case but, as a whole, we have a tendency to look to the negative. There have been studies that suggest we derive this from our biological nature to survive and need to be critical so that we can understand what we are up against in order to evolve as a species. 

However, I have learnt and am still learning that only pointing out the negative aspect of people is exhausting- not for them; for me. A long time ago, a friend asked me, ‘Are you ever happy with a situation?’ And, I had to be honest with myself, the answer was no. I had been conditioned and had a tendency to look to the negative. That’s when I started to meditate and consciously focus on the things are positive. There is a difference between complaining about something and acting on it to make it better vs. perpetually seeing the wrong in situations and not doing anything about it. 

3. They are just around to use you. 

This has been a constant theme in my life and I’m sure it’s a common theme in most people’s lives. I am not perfect- I don’t want to be. But, something that I take pride in is that I like to live in positivity. I believe in betterment and progression through self and hard work. Not everyone thinks like this and they don’t have to. However, when you think like this, vultures want a piece. 

You see, vultures want a piece of what you have created and what you will create at any cost because they lack the capability to do it for themselves and have a sense of jealousy towards others. If you notice there is someone who is in your life who tells you what you want to hear, disappears when you need them and is never really happy for you, you might have a vulture in your life. Notice how they respond to boundaries because they don’t take well to them and will intrude on perimeters you have set because their purpose is not to bring anything valuable into your life but to take as much as they can.

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9 Things that I am learning and re-learning at this time.

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It has been an interesting past few weeks. I have had my ups-and-downs and have had to surrender some things that I thought I knew. I had no idea that I had been clinging on to some beliefs that I no longer needed or needed to restart and God blessed me with the perfect time to do so. 

I offer my condolences to those who have lost their lives, lost loved ones or are in financial ruin at this time. What I have learnt and re-learnt has nothing to do with that. This is my journey apart from that at this time. 

Here are 9 Things that I am learning and re-learning at this time: 

1. It doesn’t matter what has broken you. It only matters that you put yourself together. We are not meant to be broken, we are meant to be whole. 

2. Wherever we go, there will be negativity. But good always wins. 

3. Sometimes you have to fight for your life and for what is right, over and over again. 

4. Judgement can be helpful as long as it doesn’t consume us with hate. 

5. Love takes many forms. 

6. There is always light. Even if it is a crack, focus on the light. 

7. When you shine bright, darkness will try to live off of that light. Protect your light. 

8. Simplicity is usually where our biggest and most prolific answers lie. 

9. We don’t know it all and are not meant to.

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Traits of the emotionally immature and mature zodiac sun signs.

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As I have touched on this before, every Zodiac sign has it’s emotional immature aspect and once they work on what they need to, they can emotionally evolve into their best selves. No person is immune to this. It is a part of the human experience to learn and grow, we only become stuck when we focus on blaming others and put responsibility on others to do the work for us. 

Astrology is a map that can guide us to what we need to work on within ourselves. If this doesn’t resonate, it is not for you. This article is for those that this aligns with because even though you might be one sun sign, you have other elements in your birth chart that can affect your emotions, communication, how you love, appear to the world and how you represent yourself at different phases in your life. 

Here are traits of the emotionally immature and mature sun signs of the zodiac:

•Immature Aries ♈️:

Needs to be number one, impatient and is obsessed with material worth and possessions.

Mature Aries: 

Natural leader, naturally encourages other people to thrive and do well. Focusing on what people can offer them that isn’t based on money.

•Immature Taurus ♉️:

Sees things in black&white, lacks compassion and stubborn. 

Mature Taurus: 

Patient, driven and mentally strong. 

•Immature Gemini ♊️:

Behaves like a teenager, impatient and emotionally inconsistent. 

Mature Gemini: 

Creative, great communicator and sees both sides of a situation with judgement. 

•Immature Cancer ♋️:

Thinks the world is out to get them, overly defensive and thinks in a linear fashion. 

Mature Cancer: 

Opens up to people, speaks from a place of boundaries; not vengeance and, doesn’t jump to conclusions. 

•Immature Leo ♌️:

Has difficulty processing emotions, needing to be the centre of attention and has difficulty being vulnerable. 

Mature Leo: 

Is vulnerable with their ‘weak’ emotions too, accepts that they don’t always have to strong and is compassionate to those who aren’t always at their peak. 

•Immature Virgo ♍️:

Only thinks about work, avoids human interaction and comes across passive aggressive. 

Mature Virgo: 

Deals with people in a humane, acknowledges that they are not always right and brings health to the mainstream. 

•Immature Libra ♎️ :

Irritable, indecisiveness and projects internal conflict onto others. 

Mature Libra: 

Balances their emotions out through meditation, has let go of the need to be right and listens to others. 

•Immature Scorpio ♏️:

Thrives on vengefulness, seeks out drama to prove dominance and highly obsessive. 

Mature Scorpio: 

Accesses and transforms their deep emotions to help others heal of suffering, let’s go of the need to get others back and doesn’t take things personally. 

•Immature Sagittarius ♐️:

Looks at life as a playground, lacks loyalty and compassion.

•Mature Sagittarius: 

Explores diversity, is consistent and understands that if they want consistency, they have to create it in their own lives first. 

•Immature Capricorn ♑️: 

Cold, social-climber and believes in hierarchy. 

Mature Capricorn: 

Practices humility by doing tedious things, enjoys daily activities and let’s go of the need to prove who they are through work. 

•Immature Aquarius ♒️:

Arrogant, bully and thinks that everyone else is lower than they are. 

Mature Aquarius: 

Shows their emotions, practices compassion and can self-reflect with acknowledgement that they made mistakes like everyone else. 

•Immature Pisces ♓️:

Takes everything personally, controls others by doing things for them and jaded from the past. 

Mature Pisces: 

Meditates on positivity, aligns themself with supportive people who want the best for them and turns pain into wisdom. 

4 Ways that we can heal from our generational past trauma.

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To me, life is about growth and healing. Our purpose here is to be used up when we die and sometimes that is messy. Often, we have this idea that things need to be easy and smooth; however, that is not true. It’s time for us to acknowledge that a lot of life is about accepting, healing and moving forward from the past. And, until we face this, we will continue to live in a survival state of being. 

Whether you have read about it from a scientific, metaphysical, religious or cultural perspective- things are shifting energetically. And, unless we create healthy habits, what happened in the past could happen again. I believe that generationally with social media and technology, authenticity and the truth is being brought to light so that we can take action to progress moving forward. As the human race, we will not survive the way we have survived before, we need a different approach. One that is not only conscious but also devotion-orientated. Not only for us but for the generations coming after. I am grateful for the generations before who made us physically strong to protect our DNA by activating our survival mode. However, if we continue to live life this way, we will either suffer mentally or physically. There is evidence all around us that we need to elevate ourselves so that we can raise our consciousness. 

It’s easy to say that we need to heal the past. But, what I have learnt is that most people don’t because they don’t know how or they are comfortable in toxicity. So, as I have healed and continue to heal past generational trauma, I am here to recommend some ways that might help you: 

1. See things from a place of compassion. Sometimes when I think about history, I become mad and wonder why so many people continue the cycles of racism, narcissism, xenophobia and other toxic habits that the human race has practiced throughout history. And then I remember, these ways of life can be argued historically as a way to keep their own race from dying. I am not a historian but as someone whose family has been heavily affected by The Racist South African Apartheid, I know what it is like to be hated because of my race. The truth is that unless you live in the middle of nowhere, racism and classism affects you in some shape, form or manner. I was born into a South African family during Apartheid and sometimes I downplay how separation affected my family but then I remember the stories about how some of my family was segregated from one another because they were different races from one another.

That trauma I have subconsciously carried, whether I have been aware of it or not. It was only until recently when I realized that I had pent up anger towards European culture and felt derogatory towards African culture. Examples of this is when people have  ignorantly asked me if I am mixed because I am light and have freckles, I would become angry because this history comes with a part of my identity that is heavy and involves hardship, killing and a part of life that I never wanted to admit. Another example of this is that I went to a British school and felt above my family who didn’t because people treat me differently when they hear my accent. 

Honestly, it has been heavy to accept this and other ideas of my generational past; however, it is imperative. Until I was aware of my actions, I could not make the next step. Which, for me, was forgiving racist people and not being as affected when people make racist remarks at me or to other people. I am learning that some people, including myself, are not aware if they are being ignorant or racist. Speaking to people from a place of compassion is important, especially people who are unaware of their behaviour. I don’t always get it right but I am practicing it and perfect this one day. 

2. Leave the material hamster race behind. 

Whether we like to admit or not, we live in a fear-based society. An extension of this is how we have a tendency to hold on to materials, money and have a need to be tied to people and things as long as they help us advance our social status; even if it means staying in an unhealthy situation. I used to be a manager of a restaurant in TriBeCa, N.Y.C. and, I had to drink everyday to get through a shift. Although I loved my staff dearly, I disliked The Owner because he was a clear narcissist and abusive personality. Just like with everything else, I learnt many lessons from this situation. One of them being that I will never ever sacrifice my mental health and well-being for a job ever again. 

You see, I ended up taking the job because I was a server at the restaurant beforehand and felt like I could fit the role of a leader at the establishment, so I applied for a promotion. This new title also came with benefits. Of which, The Owner had lied to me about when I started my new role. I took this as a sign to resign and find another job because he showed me that my well-being was not in his hands, it was in mine. It is up to every single one of us who are able to make these adjustments so that we elevate ourselves and others. It’s scary to leave our security blanket of a job or romantic situation that we know nothing good or healthy is coming from but in order to reach our full potential, we need to. Dreams do not flourish in fear; they thrive in circumstances of trust, by leaping forward and leaving what we don’t need behind. 

3. Take responsibility for your life. 

No family is perfect and they are not meant to be. I spent a lot of my early twenties blaming the fact that I went to a private British school for a lot of my problems. I felt like going to a school like that set me back from being my authentic self because I felt restricted and restrained a lot of the time. One day, I read a quote by The Dalai Lama, it implied that we don’t know the beginning of anger but we do know when it will stop and it is when we choose for it to not longer control our lives. 

This enlightened me and it was the first step to understanding and recognizing that by blaming my past, I was only robbing myself of my present and future. You see, I had thought that if I continue the judgement against all those who mistreated me, it would help me- only to understand that it was hindering me. 

Sometimes people will treat you in a nasty and unjust way but if you continue to blame them, it is having an effect on you (still).

Acknowledgement and blame are two different things, the first comes from a place of wanting the past to change and the latter accepts that everything is exactly how it is meant to be. You can still take responsibility for your life, not be happy with your past and use what you have seen or what has been done to you as a reason to grow and become healthier than what you are leaving behind you. 

4. Let your guard down. 

I come from a family of strong women and tend to surround myself with these type of females because it inspires me and helps me grow. What I recently noticed about being a tough woman is that I have difficulty trusting men. I’m not sure when I created a false mantra that men were intimidated by strong women when I know many men who love and adore women who can challenge them. 

When we stereotype and group people together, it only hinders us because it colours our lens and allows people into our lives that we wouldn’t necessarily have done if we had chosen a different belief instead. After my last relationship, I chose to believe that there are all kinds of men and the ones that I choose to have in my life are those who appreciate strong women, who compliment my strength; instead of trying to dumb me down or block my shine. I also learnt that trust is the foundation of a healthy relationship and if I go into one thinking that I am alone, I will be alone. Healthy relationships make space for one another to be both separate and together at different phases and times. 

3 Izinto engizifundile mayelana nokubonakaliswa nangobuningi.

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Kuleminyaka eyishumi edlule, ngihambile ngaya phambili futhi ngisiya phambili ngomgwaqo wokubonakaliswa nobuningi. Lolu hambo luvule iso futhi kufanelekile ukuluthatha njengoba ngifunde kakhulu.

Ngiqale loluhambo lapho ngineminyaka engu-18 futhi ngifunda Imfihlo: incwadi ekhuluma ngezinto ezibonakalayo nezinto ozifunayo empilweni yakho. Ngesikhathi ngiyifunda, bengifuna ukubonisa amamaki amahle ngonyaka wami wokugcina esikoleni esiphakeme. Futhi, empeleni kwasebenza!

Unyaka wami wokugcina esikoleni esiphakeme, ngathola iziqu nge-B lapho ngangiwumfundi weC / D kuyo yonke impilo yami yokufunda esikoleni. Kuyavunywa, kwenzeka ezinye izinto. Kodwa-ke, ukubonakaliswa nokufinyeleleka kweningi kudlale indima enkulu.

Kusukela ngaleso sikhathi, ngifunde amandla enala nokubonakaliswa. Ngokufunda la mandla, ngithole ulwazi mayelana nezinye izinto, futhi.

Nakhu engikufundile:

1. Kufanele ukholelwe ukuthi uyakufanelekela.

Abaningi bethu banokuqonda esikufunayo; kodwa-ke, okumi phakathi kwethu ne-'Into 'ukwesaba. Ukwesaba kungamandla, angabonakala ebhlokini. Ukwesaba ukuthi awukufanele kuvumelekile kepha kwenziwa ngokuphelele.I-block kungenzeka ingabi ngokomzimba kepha inamandla. Kungakuvimba ekufezeni lokho okufunayo ngoba omunye wemithetho yokuqala yobuningi nokubonakaliswa ukholelwa ukuthi uyakufanelekela lokho osokuthola. Uma ukholwa ukuthi ungumuntu ofanele ukuthi leli thuba, into noma umuntu ulibhekise kulokho (ngamandla) kuzolunga nawe ngaphezulu uma ungazi.

2. Trust The Universe ukukuqondisa kuyo noma kuwe.

Ingxenye enkulu yobuningi ukuthembela. Iningi lethu likhuliswe ukubeka umzamo omkhulu kunalokho esikudingayo ezimweni, abantu nezinto ngoba sinovalo lokuthi uma singenzi konke okusemandleni ngeke kusithole noma ngeke sikuthole . Lokhu kucabanga kuvumelekile; nokho, ukwesaba nokusinda-okusekwe. Njengoba siqala ukuqonda kabanzi ngobuchopho bomuntu, sesithole ukuthi iningi labantu lisebenza ngokusuka emphefumlweni wemvelo- ubuchopho bethu bokhokho. Kuyindlela yokusinda futhi akudingeki ngaso sonke isikhathi ngoba iningi lethu akudingeki lizingele noma libulale ukuze siphile.

Ngokwesayensi, njengoba ubuntu sebuthuthukile, ubuchopho bethu bukhula ngosayizi kodwa hhayi ngobukhulu. Imikhuba egcwele kanye neyokomoya isisiza ekufinyeleleni amandla wobuchopho futhi isikhulule emvelweni yethu yokusinda. Lapho sikhulula lesi sici sokucabanga, sakha isithombe esikhulu futhi sifunde ukuthi uma sinikela ngokusemandleni ethu, gcina ingqondo evulekile, inhliziyo futhi, futhi sazi lokho esikufunayo, sikuvumela ukuba kungene ezimpilweni zethu. Esikhundleni sokuphoqa izinto nabantu ezimpilweni zethu, ikakhulukazi lezo ezingafuni ukuba lapho.

3. Imvamisa yithina kuphela ngendlela yethu.

Ngigcina ngifunda lokhu njalo. Muva nje, bengine-epiphany enkulu kakhulu ngalokho engangikwenzile ukuvimba izibusiso empilweni yami. Lapho ngiseyingane, abazali bami badlula ngesehlukaniso. Ngiyabathanda bobabili abazali bami futhi ngiyazi ukuthi benze konke okusemandleni; kodwa-ke, isehlukaniso sabo saba nesifiso sokuphila kimi sokuthi ubudlelwane obuthile abufanele busebenze, ikakhulukazi nabantu besilisa. Futhi, ukuthi ngihlala ngidingida ukuhambisa izinto ngoba impilo yami ingahle ijulwe ngomzuzwana osheshayo, imali kungenzeka ukuthi ihambile ngaphambi kokuba ngiyazi. Okunye okuvezwa yilokhu isidingo sokusebenzisa lokho okuku-akhawunti yami yasebhange ukuqinisekisa ukuthi nginakho konke engikudingayo uma kwenzeka kwenzeka okuthile.

Okunye futhi okwabanjwa yingane yami yangaphakathi ukuthi imali kubi. Ngiseyingane, ngaba nentukuthelo nenzondo kubaba owayezogodla yonke imali emndenini wakhe lapho esithukuthelela. Ngakho-ke, ngabona imali njengenkinga hhayi ukuthi yayisingathwa kanjani. Muva nje, ngithole ukuqaphela ukuthi imali iyindlela yamandla. Uma usebenzisa imali ukukhohlisa abantu nezinto, lawo ke mandla owakhipha. Kodwa-ke, uma wamukela futhi usebenzise imali ngokuhle, kungasiza ukufaka isithombe esikhulu sobuningi: ukukhwela nokugeleza kwalokho esibekelwe yi-Universal. Ukuhlomela ngokwezezimali kungaba yithuluzi elihle lokwenza okuhle, kwesinye isikhathi sikukhohlwa lokho.

5 negative behaviours that I refuse to spend time on.

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When I look back on how I've dealt with difficult times in the past, I realize that I've spent a lot of wasted time on negative mindsets that haven't helped me progress. In fact, they did the opposite. I complicated many simple situations by overthinking, analyzing and ignoring signs that were right in front of me.

So I came up with a list of five negative behaviors that I wasted time indulging, and I won't waste time on them again:

1. Believing people who have insulted me.

We live in a wonderful world, but most of us have been hurt. People who have been hurt and cannot move past the hurt will try to hurt others, either intentionally or unintentionally. I've wasted a lot of time believing hurt people's insults, never realizing that people who were ready to insult me were ready to insult others too. Insults are rarely about the person who's being insulted; they're more about the person doing the insulting.

2. Convincing someone to love me.

I wasted time trying to convince a former partner of mine to love me. All that time spent waiting for him to call me back, hinting at him to buy me flowers and waiting for him to see how grateful he should've been to have me could've been spent on someone who genuinely appreciates me. Not only was I wasting time, but I was also subconsciously telling myself that I wasn't worth being loved. Ultimately, every single person is worth being loved.

3. Beating myself up about the past.

Whatever has happened is done. I used to spend a lot of time wanting to change what my behavior in the past. The clock moves forward, and wanting to change what has happened is impossible. All that time spent on looking in the past can be used to help me progress in my future. The future is something I can actually do something about.

4. Judging people on the decisions they've made.

I won't be happy with some people's decisions, and that's OK. I don't have to live with the consequences their own actions — they do. Time spent criticizing and judging someone else's decisions is time truly wasted. That time could have been used to help me progress in my own life. I can't control what others have done with their own lives, so there's no need to judge them based on my expectations and views on life.

5. Excusing selfish behavior.

I once had a friend who behaved in a way that seemed like she thought life was all about her. She would call me or want to see me only when she needed me to be there for her; however, when I asked the same from her, she would disappear. I wasted a lot of time convincing myself that she didn't intend to be selfish, and I excused her behavior because I feared losing a friend. After it all, I did lose her as a friend, and all that time I spent convincing myself that she wasn't being selfish could've been used on appreciating a friend who actually isn't selfish and gives me back what I give them.