3 Things that I have learnt about vultures.

Image from Unsplash

As hard as it is to admit this about life, a lot of it comes with vultures. People who take from others and are incapable of thinking of anyone else but themselves. All of us have aspects of this within- that is how we survive. However, there are some who lack the ability to look within, apologize and decide to give to someone without using it against that person in the future. 

These are vultures and they exist in all realms of life: family, friends, romantic relationships and work life. I’m not a psychologist or have studied psychology. However, I am a certified health coach and a spiritual guide. I have had many experiences with this behaviour, with others and even with myself. Until I chose to better myself, I was a vulture, too. 

Here are a few things that I have learnt about vultures: 

1. They give and love with conditions. 

Unfortunately, most of us are raised in a very selfish way of thinking. Many of us were taught and conditioned to believe that if I give to you, you owe me or I can use it against you in the future to make myself feel like a better person. I used to think this way. I have given and loved with conditions, tit-for-tat. This kind of conditioning is exhausting. I saw that when I expected others to give to me, it tired me because I was waiting on a day that night never come to me. 

Once, I learnt to give from a place of abundance, I released the need to get back. There is a difference between always giving and never receiving in return and, giving with the sole purpose to receive. The former is allowing ourselves to be used and the latter comes from a self-centered place. Vultures feel entitled to receive, so giving from abundance is not worthy of them doing. 

2. They can never really be happy. 

Have you ever been in the presence of someone who always has something negative to say about others? Sometimes I notice myself being that person and ask myself to focus on gratitude. I’m not sure why this is the case but, as a whole, we have a tendency to look to the negative. There have been studies that suggest we derive this from our biological nature to survive and need to be critical so that we can understand what we are up against in order to evolve as a species. 

However, I have learnt and am still learning that only pointing out the negative aspect of people is exhausting- not for them; for me. A long time ago, a friend asked me, ‘Are you ever happy with a situation?’ And, I had to be honest with myself, the answer was no. I had been conditioned and had a tendency to look to the negative. That’s when I started to meditate and consciously focus on the things are positive. There is a difference between complaining about something and acting on it to make it better vs. perpetually seeing the wrong in situations and not doing anything about it. 

3. They are just around to use you. 

This has been a constant theme in my life and I’m sure it’s a common theme in most people’s lives. I am not perfect- I don’t want to be. But, something that I take pride in is that I like to live in positivity. I believe in betterment and progression through self and hard work. Not everyone thinks like this and they don’t have to. However, when you think like this, vultures want a piece. 

You see, vultures want a piece of what you have created and what you will create at any cost because they lack the capability to do it for themselves and have a sense of jealousy towards others. If you notice there is someone who is in your life who tells you what you want to hear, disappears when you need them and is never really happy for you, you might have a vulture in your life. Notice how they respond to boundaries because they don’t take well to them and will intrude on perimeters you have set because their purpose is not to bring anything valuable into your life but to take as much as they can.

Sign up here for one of our courses to elevate and transform your life.

9 Replacements that I am making in my life.

Image from Unsplash

Over the weekend, I read a quote that was about replacements that we need to make in our lives to be successful. It inspired me.

Often when we think of success, it is usually in reference to money. However, to me, it is thriving in all aspects of your life. What good is money if you hoard it and are living in isolation? We are communal beings who thrive off of love, health and creativity. And, that is my definition of success. 

Here are the 9 replacements I am making in my life: 

1. Replacing fake friends& family members with genuine people.

2. Replacing selfishness with selflessness. 

3. Replacing lack of boundaries with healthy boundaries. 

4. Replacing the need to think and act like everyone else to embracing my own thoughts and capabilities. 

5. Replacing passive aggressive people with people who communicate from a place of compassion. 

6. Replacing empty promise- makers with people who follow through.

7. Replacing childish things with maturity. 

8. Replacing resentment with understanding. 

9. Replacing shame and guilt with betterment.

3 Things that I have learnt about toxic femininity.

Image from Unsplash

When I began this (now) successful blog and magazine, I had no idea how well it would be received. Three years ago, after I went through something traumatic in my life, I decided to do the real work and as I did the work, I would document it and tell others how I had healed or was still healing from something that I had gone through in my life. 

I made a decision to be as authentic as possible and it has been difficult to be this vulnerable but very necessary. I believe that we need to be honest with one another to move forward in our lives. Whether that honesty shows up with a smile, a bitter rant or an apology. Not saying that we should be mean but being honest won’t always be pretty and nice. 

I would be lying to you if I told you that I have always been surrounded by supportive females and people who genuinely wanted the best for me. It would be an even bigger lie if I told you that I haven’t fallen into the trap of female toxicity where (as a collective) women have been raised to compete with one another, be mean to each other and gossip about each other in front or behind our backs. 

Even though I have hurtful memories of many females doing this to me, I have also had my fair share of being unkind and mean to others. And, for that, I apologize. It is only until recently that I fully understood what it means to be a productive and healthy female representative in The World. 

Here are 3 things that I have learnt about female toxicity:

1. We have to change it. 

When I think of the word toxic, I often think of ingesting something into my body that is poisonous- forgetting about my mind and actions. Female toxicity may not be ingested but it is a culture we have developed where we put each other down and are too afraid to see another women shine. Examples of this are all around: Reality shows, family dynamics even school&work dynamics also. 

Like with anything else, it won’t change unless we do the work. I can tell you from experience that being a healthy and supportive woman is way better than being one who is manipulative, cunning and insecure. I have been one of those and have done (and am still doing) the work of finding out what it really means to be happy and healthy- it didn’t come from looking at others, being mean to others and judging others. It came from me looking at myself and admitting that I was not happy with how I behaved and contributed to The World. 

2. It’s toxic for a reason.

The term masculine toxicity has been thrown around a lot lately and, I believe, it to be overused. Although we are comfortable speaking about how men can be mean, intimidating and abuse their power, as women we are afraid to look at how we can also be the same way. 

The meanest things that have ever been done to me have been done so by a woman. I am not saying that all women are mean; however, we have developed a culture of bonding in negativity. I have had deep secrets told in High School, been called fat and, friends (until recently) constantly berate me for me being who I am. 

You might ask why I was so comfortable accepting this kind of behaviour? The plain and simple answer (if I had to only choose one) is that, as a whole, we do not have role models of women being kind to each other. I accepted that I might never have friends who were kind and loving. In the past few years, I have proven that to be untrue and will never accept mean and catty behaviour in my life moving forward. But, it has taught me that unless we change something, it can be so toxic that it embeds a culture at all levels in society. 

3. We will never be at our best if we are tearing one another down. 

In the past year, I made a decision to only have people in my life who support me and are kind to me. Yes, we will have our arguments but I would rather hear things said to me than find them out about me. As I have set clear boundaries for the kind of people that I want in my life, I have heard my supportive and loving friends tell me stories of how they trusted another female who backstabbed them and did something unmentionable to them too. 

The irony is that we are in the post- ‘me too’ era where we constantly speak about how men have stopped us from reaching our full potential. But, what about the females? Yes, some men have been mean and unkind to me but the amount of women who have portrayed similar actions probably doubles that. We need to look at how we are bonding with one another and ask ourselves if we should congregate over gossip and negativity, or out of love and support. 

Calling out our male counterparts is important, yes! But, true healing starts with us. We will never elevate the energetic female consciousness until we acknowledge how we have hurt other females and what actions we need to take moving forward to not do so in the future. 

*This is dedicated to any female who has gossiped about me, berated me and tried to tear me down. I know that you did it from a place of insecurity. As I have done with others. 

The 3 Things that I have learnt about users disguised as fake friends.

Image from Unsplash

Last year, 2019, was a monumental year. I went through one of the most transformative times in my life that came to me in the form of hardship. I began and ended a toxic relationship that highlighted how I had allowed unaccaptable behaviour in my life. 

This type of behaviour was not only in romantic relationships but also in friendships. Before I decided to acknowledge my own allowance, I allowed basically anyone into my life as a friend. Truthfully, I didn’t have enough confidence and trust in my intuition to acknowledge that I deserved friends who were sincere, kind, genuine, supportive and cared about my well-being. 

I am in a great place now with relationships and I feel fully supportive. I have gotten to this place by letting go of people who are the antithesis of what I want from a friend. 

Through this journey, I have learnt a few things about people who use friendship as a place to merely take from others. Here is 3 of them:

1. Their actions will show you that they don’t really care about you.

I recently let go of the last friend that wasn’t supportive towards me. I did so because when I would tell her stories about my former partner, she would defend him and gaslight me for how I felt. I couldn’t get a full sentence in without her telling me to give him the benefit of the doubt. In addition, when I befriended my ex in the recent past, she said that he was a nice friend to have, implying this because he is a successful DJ and Producer. 

That comment disappointed me because she knew how toxic his behaviour was towards me and didn’t even care if being friends with him would affect my overall well-being. My last straw was when I recently saw her and she was happy to tell me how she was; however, when I started speaking about myself, she looked at her phone and was completely unbothered by what I was saying. I asked if she could hear me and it became apparent to me that she wasn’t listening and had no desire to listen to me or genuinely ask how I am doing. 

I took this as a sign, before I would’ve questioned myself. But now, I listen to that inner voice that highlights people’s actions. She was only interested in our friendship because of who I was dating and now that I am single, she has disappeared. When I ask her where she has been or tell her that I feel like she is only around for her own interest, she makes up excuses for why she hasn’t been around. However, genuine friends are supportive throughout every season and don’t defend the person who is causing you pain. I have a wonderful group of amazing friends that I would prefer to focus on because I deserve relationships that thrive. 

2. They make you feel crazy for feeling how you feel. 

Have you ever been positive gaslighted? When you are going through something and a friend will tell you a generic saying like, ‘Well, it is what it is.’, ‘Be positive about it!’ Or, ‘You’ve got this!’ I used to think that someone telling me this meant that they cared; only to understand that sometimes when someone is not being genuine, they will throw out phrases to make it seem like they are so that they can keep using you or not take responsibility for their own actions. The common thread of the friends that I have disconnected from is that I didn’t feel their genuine love, I could tell that they weren’t listening when I was telling them stories or when I needed them, they were nowhere to be found. 

Friends should be there for the ups-and-downs; not only when they have to something to get from it. 

3. It is up to themselves to change their own behaviour. 

When I confronted these friends, I was met with phrases that made it seem like I am the drama. However (afterwards) they would say things like, ‘I wish you would’ve told me how you felt.’ Or, a fake apology where they say sorry at the moment and then keep behaving the same way. 

In a nutshell, people who use others might or might not be aware of what they are doing but it is not our jobs to figure this out. All that we can do is set our boundaries and if we get pushback or fake apologies, we focus on friendships and relationships that support us and make us feel loved. It is not our job to force people to change. We are all responsible for our lives and if people don’t take responsibility for their actions, we can’t make them. 

6 Reasons to go back to school, by Diana Athena.

Image by Unsplash

Just like most people, I went to college right after I graduated high school. What I didn’t realize is that the universe had other plans for me and after two years of studying Hospitality & Hotel Management, I ended up moving to The United States. Adult life and freedom led me into the current of opportunities.

The ability to pay my bills by simply working at bars and restaurants seemed pretty tempting at first; however, the years were passing by and my first excitement has been replaced with questions like, “How much longer am I willing to do what I do?”, and ,“What will come after?”. I had been considering going back to school but was uncertain what I wanted to study. When you are older going back to school may seem a bit intimidating. It took me years (and some inspiration from close friends) to finally find the courage and take the first step by simply collecting information about the process of reinstatement. I went down the road from there, I’ve collected all the papers, applied and got accepted!

I can tell you, being a student in your 30’s is very different than being a student right after high school. But, it is still worth it! 

Being a freshman again made me realize a few things. This is what they are:

1. I have a better understanding of what I want.

I was 17 when I first went to college back in Russia and going to school was expected of me. At that age, i hadn’t yet understood who I wanted to be when I grew up. My interests were scattered between so many areas - I loved hospitality, theater, traveling ;but yet I also loved animals and wanted to be a veterinarian. Now when I am more settled, I can now better tell the difference between what I would like to pursue as a career and what would serve me better kept as a hobby. 

2. More confidence!

Now that I am a bit older, I have so much more confidence in myself. I no longer need to seek approval from peers or try to impress anyone. School is a place to work on my education, to get things done and to get better! 

3. Better time management.

Being a student while working a full time job (or 2 in my case) is not an easy task, but likely at this point of my life I have a better understanding of time management and self care, which helps me to keep a busy schedule and stay motivated.

4. I can choose classes based on what I already do to improve my performance.

Now when I am back at school, I have a clear idea of what I am drawn to. My past experiences serve as a strong foundation and relate to the knowledge that I am receiving at this moment. Having set opinions and believes helps to determine what exactly I would like to focus on in my education and my career.

5. New connections.

No matter how old you are it is important to keep expanding the circle of the people you know. Being back in school I have got to meet so many moving and inspiring people, who have changed my views and opinions and who I am continuing to learn from. 

6. The best investment of your time is investment into yourself!

There is always room for growth! Regardless of if it is getting another college degree, or taking some dance lessons because you have always loved salsa. Whatever it is for you, learning is a good way to stay ahead and to keep the everlasting energy of change flowing. 

4 more things that I learnt about haters

Image from unSplash

Whether we would like to admit it or not, there will always be someone hateful in our lives. It might be a friend, a family member, a roommate, a romantic partner, a business partner or even you.

Recently, I learnt a few more things about haters that I would like to share with you:

1. Hurt people hurt people

I found myself recently being a hater towards a Musician/DJ/Producer who would frequent a yoga studio that I used to teach at in Los Angeles. All of the hate that I had accumulated towards men, I had placed on him because it was easy. It was easy to hate a man who publicly isn’t the kindest to woman because he was the biggest target. He has a platform and millions of followers on Instagram. The hateful part of me was jealous that he could spread the message of tearing women down. I found myself saying nasty things about his character until one day, I realized that I didn’t even know him so how can I be so hateful towards him? I was so harsh on him and being harsh leads to hate. Hate is a burden that I don’t want to carry. So, I sent him an apology letter and wish him the best. I needed to look within myself to see what wasn’t healed. He is not responsible for something that other men have done to me. He doesn’t deserve to be the recipient of hate.

2. Not everyone will celebrate you.

Lately, I have come to terms with the fact that not everyone will be happy for my achievements because they don’t have to be. They don’t have to be happy for me. In addition, I have learnt that people who have nothing to celebrate in their own lives are more likely not to celebrate yours. People are dealing with themselves and their own lives, and usually how they feel about you has nothing to do with you. It is an extension of how they feel about themselves.

3. Not everyone wants the best for you.

In an ideal world, everyone is rooting for each other but that is not reality. The world we live in is full of love and light; however, there is hatred and darkness too. All of us make a daily choice of what we will choose to embrace each day and some people choose darkness and hatred. With darkness comes negativity, being mean, lies and wrongdoing. We cannot expect everyone to be at their best or to be rooting for us, we can only expect the best from ourselves. How other people choose to behave is how they have chosen to behave. If they see the light, great! If they don’t, great too! Life goes on.

4. It’s not personally.

Like I said before, people are dealing with themselves and not everyone knows how to overcome incompetence, Ego, self-hatred, betrayal and negativity. Most people will unleash it right onto someone else after it has happened to them. Even some of the most ‘personal’ attacks of hatred are an extension of where that person is at mentally, physically and emotionally, don’t take it personally. Everyone is at a different place in their lives and some are not inclined to be better people. Love them from a distance and let them go, they are not your problem to deal with or you will find yourself taking on someone else’s negativity, hurt and pain.