3 Things that I wish I’d known before Quarantine.

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If someone would’ve told me that this year would be how it has been a year ago, I would laugh at them and tell them that they are insane. This year, I have flown to five countries, worked full-time about two months of the six months and, have had my life as I knew it before all this happened ripped out from underneath my feet. In a nutshell, it has been a rollercoaster. 

I went to South Africa for my birthday and to see friends and family in February. And, while I was there, I felt like an outsider. I was grateful to be in Africa but for the first time, I felt like South Africa was not my home and I wondered why. On my way back to Los Angeles, I was so happy to be back in The United States of America. I felt home. I had never ever felt like this in my life. 

I spent the next three weeks working and staying busy. Grateful to be in the city of Angels, whether those angels were in the sky or fallen was none of my business, I felt alive but I had this feeling that I needed to change something about my life. I made a decision to let go of toxicity and one night, I prayed to God to release me of what I no longer needed on my road to truth and prosperity. 

A few days after my prayer, there was a mandate ordered for Yoga studios to shut down and therefore, I would be out of partial work as I teach at different yoga studios. The next day I was doing a tarot reading on myself and I pulled a card that said, ‘What are you clinging on to?’ I knew what it was but was too stubborn to admit that there was people and things that were not a part of the life that I wanted. 

As always, there is nothing that I regret. It took this for me to be here now and the present is the best place I will ever be. 

Here are 3 things that I wish I’d known before Quarantine: 

1. You’ll be okay. 

These past three months have been the hardest time of my life. I have always been an independent and self-sufficient person who has been able to talk, smile or outwit myself out of any situation until this. It went from being two weeks, to a month and then suddenly three months. I went from seeing this as a blessing to crying on my bedroom floor while listening to gospel music. I have had to take each moment day-by-day. 

For the first time in my life, I have been late on my rent by no fault of my own and the feeling of shame has been overwhelming sometimes. The feeling of being in a situation because of something you have no control over has created a different kind of faith and hope that I didn’t know possible. Sure, sometimes I am angry, lost and confused but then I look to God, pray, breathe and remember that everything will be okay because it has been okay. If I have my life, my health, my mind and my soul, I am flourishing. 

2. Get ready to leave behind the old you. 

I have spent my life feeling like an outsider. I always joke that it’s because I am an Aquarius and we are known for that but in truth that was to mask the pain that came from feeling misunderstood a lot of the time. I believe firmly in independent-thinking and I was not raised in a society that allowed that so I was shunned a lot and told to keep quiet for asking questions or thinking differently. Because of this, I developed a thinking that I couldn’t really say how I felt. So, in my earlier years, I would catch myself lying when I wanted to tell the truth, keeping quiet when I wanted to scream and hurting myself instead of releasing my anger in a healthy way. 

Over the years that old façade of me has slowly bee dissipating and eventually was forced to leave my life when I came back from South Africa and noticed how different I was to lifelong friends and family. Some of them didn’t want to hear what I had to say, would flake on me or shame me for wanting to know the truth. I couldn’t hold on any longer. The old me was okay with sacrificing what I had to say to be liked but the new me can’t- just can’t. No matter who hates me, who won’t speak to me again or who thinks I am the worst person alive. I am done playing a role of someone who I am not. I am me: unfiltered, non-PC, sometimes offensive but is trying to be a good person and I am done trying to fit into a mould to be accepted and loved. 

3. Let go of control. 

In my entire life, I have never cried as much as I have in these past three months. I’ve cried tears of joy, tears of pain, tears of anxiety, tears of gratitude, tears of confusion and tears of sadness. In all of my emotional phases, I have had to let go of being in control. 

I admit to being a control freak and it has been something that I have been working on in therapy over the past decade. I have had to learn that control does not equate to power. A hard yet powerful message. For the first time, all the things that I was able to do to remain in control have been taken from me and I have had to redefine what power means. I’m not sure that I know the answer but I do know that holding onto something tightly so that it never leaves is not because of power but it is because of fear. My internal powerful voice knows that what is meant for me will never go, will leave and come back or, had it’s purpose once upon a time. 

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What I wish I’d known about these 3 types of personalities.

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Life is a journey and we are dealt with cards that we can either use to advantage us or work against us. You might have heard this analogy often. But what does this mean? To me, it means that I will make the best of life no matter what is thrown at me. I will work hard, think smart and do what I can to be my best, regardless of where I have come from, the colour of my skin or being born a woman because my power is in my hands. 

Having this mindset has gotten me into a lot of hot water. I admit to not always being sensitive and compassionate in some areas- which I am working on. However, I have learnt that there are personality types that would rather whine than work, complain rather than correct and, defy true freedom rather than define it for themselves. 

I am learning more and more as I go and mostly, that you can’t help those who do not want to be helped. 

Here is more of what I wish I had known about these 3 types of personalities: 

1. Those who refuse to grow. 

Growth is optional and the older that I get, the more that I can clearly differentiate the difference between people who make an effort to evolve vs. those who stay stagnant. I was one of those people who felt like I could stay the same and that nothing would change me or my view on life. But, I quickly learnt that I would only hurt myself  if I was not open to seeing life from a different perspective. 

Refusing to grow works against the cycle of our lives. Just like trees shed leaves, we are meant to shed a part of our personality and acquire another. That is evolving. Understanding what works and what doesn’t. If we don’t evolve and figure out what isn’t working for us, we only hurt ourselves because we are recreating the same life, over and over and expecting different results. Which is a form of insanity. 

2. Those who blame what has happened to them on other people. 

A friend shared a quote on Instagram that said, ‘The World might be responsible for your pain but, you are responsible for your own healing.’ And, it resonated with me deeply. I recounted the amount of times that I had blamed things on being a woman, a person of colour or being raised in a developing country. Then, I remembered how good it felt to be empowered anyway.

Despite what my ancestors (regardless of heritage) had experienced, I am here today. That is proof that more is going right than not. The power is in using what I thought were my disadvantages as my advantages. I connect with people who feel isolated because I once did and I understand fully that isolation is sometimes external but is usually self-imposed. 

We can spend our time blaming or work to being whole and full of love. It might be unfair, yes! But, who loses if we don’t? Definitely not the person we blame, we do. 

3. People who will never be happy with me. 

I used to suffer deeply from the need to make people around me happy. When I became self-aware of this, I thought that it was to save the person that I wanted to make happy. However, I came to realize that it was to serve me and my Ego. 

You see, if I had to be around someone who wasn’t pleased with me, I felt badly because I wanted to appear like a good person. Over the past decade, I have been healing this part of myself. The side that wants to appear ‘good’ because I have learnt that if I am living truthfully, not everyone will be happy with me. 

I have had to learn that some people won’t like me, especially when I am not following the crowds and stand up for what is moral and in alignment with God’s word. It is not my job to be liked and releasing myself of the need to be held hostage by other people’s opinions is liberating. I might go through life never being understood by others but as long as I live a life that praises God, is ethically sound and health-orientated, I don’t have to look to others for acceptance. I can look within for all the embrace that I will ever need. 

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9 Affirmations to stabilize fear.

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With all the fear in the atmosphere regarding being quarantined and not being able to work and have a regular a regular schedule, I feel that it is necessary to not allow this energy to lower our vibration. 

We have come so far as a collective to not go back to a time when yes, we had things to worry about. But, we used it as ammunition to spread hate, animosity and lack of community. This is not a time to panic and worry. It is a time to reflect. Sometimes situations like this are sent to us to ground us, help us find gratitude and question how we got there in the first place. 

We all know that fear creates stress and this thinking has an effect on our immune system. 

So, instead of freaking out, let’s a moment to place our hands on our hearts, light a candle, incense, nurture ourselves and each other. 

Here are 9 affirmations that help stabilize fear: 

1. ‘Everything is always working out in my favour’- taken from Abraham Hicks meditation. Sometimes our favour might not be how we imagined it to be. 

2. I am in the flow of allowing and letting go. 

3. I am done holding onto things that want to leave my life. 

4. What is going right? 

5. How can I find gratitude? 

6. Thy will be done whether I am at peace with it or not. Being at peace with it makes my life easier. 

7. Change is constant.

8. How can I be a blessing? 

9. My life is too precious to spend worrying about something that I have little control over. 

3 Things that I wish I’d known before my emotional healing process.

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When I look back at the beginning of my emotional healing process, it consciously began in 2012. I was in a toxic relationship with a man who was going through a divorce and all that I could do was think about him and wonder when he would be with me because he was my dream man. 

Ironically, my fear of losing him evaporated after I was almost arrested for being drunk and disorderly in August, 2012. After being saved by three random people who came by the cab that night, I made a promise to God that I would finally do the work that I had been avoiding. It was clear that my toxic thoughts and actions had led me down a path to a man that didn’t really care about me, a career path that was inauthentic and, a lifestyle that had me exhausted and wishing to be living in someone else’s skin. 

When I made this promise to Our Higher Source, I said that no matter how hard it was, I was going to pull through and be a better version of myself. Who knew that this path would have made me a Yoga Teacher, Spiritual Coach and Business woman? 8 years later and I am grateful for ever step of the way. 

Here are 3 things that I have learnt and wish I had known before I started my emotional healing process: 

1. We all have memories that eat us up but how can we empower ourselves through these memories. 

During my first awakening in 2012, when I decided to surrender my life to God and Source, I had left my boyfriend who was going through a divorce. I previously mentioned how he and I would drink a lot together and on the night that I was almost arrested, I had been with him beforehand. The majority of our relationship was drinking and being verbally abusive with one another. I thought that it was okay to have a relationship where we create intense toxicity, in the name of passion. 

After I made a promise to God, I stopped drinking for a while and began a 30-day hot yoga challenge where I practiced hot yoga everyday. Many people thought that I was crazy and wondered what was wrong with me. However, as I shed physical weight, I also shed mental and emotional weight. I was done carrying the burden of hate and unforgiveness.

I noticed that the situation I had been in with that boyfriend was similar to the one that I had had with my father. Both would come and leave as they pleased, both were successful CEOs and lacked emotional intelligence but made up for it with materials and compliments. I specifically remember a memory (when I was a kid) of being next to my Dad and feeling how much emptiness was between us even though we were next to one another. 

As an adult, I made a choice to forgive my father for being a victim of and accentuating the role of toxic masculinity where putting up walls is more beneficial than letting people in. When I first had memories like this, I would cry from my soul but I knew that that was healing taking place. I had to release my past to move forward with my life. And, forgiveness was essential- to myself and to others. 

2. It gets worse before it gets better. 

I had no idea that I was capable of having a life that is loving and genuinely kind. When I started my emotional healing process, I knew that the past would try to grip me and take me under its wing but I saw right through it. I knew that there was a rainbow (figuratively) on the other side. 

Before I made a conscious decision to be kind, loving and focus on the negative, I found myself in looping ideas that would manifest into my life. I would end up dating the same kind of person, have the same type of friend and resist the idea of change- which is inevitable. I was stuck. 

I am a firm-believer that everything is happening for us but it might not be how you want it to be. Just because it doesn’t present itself to you this way doesn’t mean that it is not for your benefit. 

Just because I decided to heal moving forward in 2012, doesn’t mean that my life miraculously becomes better because; that is not the human experience. We are meant to grow through circumstances and what we go through. However, our mindset can create trauma and have an effect on our physical and mental well-being. 

Victimizing ourselves reminds us that we are victims; however, empowering thoughts remind us of our authentic power that no one can take away form us, no matter what we face or go through. 

3. Healing is not about money or anyone else. 

Like many others, I began healing with this idea that there are levels of healing and that I would present myself to others as a good person if I appeared to be enlightened. 

But, this is where The Ego loves to reside- in levels, monetary worth and hierarchy. We are all on our own mission. My mission is very different to yours, which is okay. I am very wary of people who create a façade of telling others what healing should feel like and that there is an outcome because everyone encounters their own experiences. 

Ultimately, we can influence each other by sharing our stories but forcing another to feel what we have felt through awakening or healing is counteractive to true healing. 

9 Things that I know for sure about haters.

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We have all been, are or know someone who is a hater. Someone who is attracted to drama, loves to complain, is insecure or doesn’t believe in being positive. I have been both the hater and have come into contact with other people who have hated. Only to realize that when I was a hater, it had nothing to do with anyone else but me. I had some serious healing- which I did and am still doing. 

The biggest shift that I had which took me out of a low-vibrational frequency of negativity was to understand and know that I am love and am worthy of anything that I have ever wanted, and so is everyone else. There is enough for everyone so I don’t have to be jealous and angry when someone else is doing well or is thriving.

Whenever I encounter a hater these days, I try to practice compassion because I know what it feels to be in that position. I have learnt that I can still have my boundaries up and practice compassion from a distance because how they behave has nothing to do with me. Being hateful is a symptom of lack of self-awareness, kindness, understanding, compassion and empathy. 

Here are 9 things that I am sure of about haters: 

1. We have all been a hater at some point in our lives. 

2. Living life from a negative point of view only affects the person who sees it this way. 

3. Stepping out of a hateful mindset takes worth and effort but the end result is worth it. 

4. Hateful people are suffering and want to spread that feeling to others. 

5. Some people don’t mean well for you. 

6. Haters are only at war with themselves. 

7. You will never win an argument or situation with someone who is dead set on being negative. Sometimes the best boundary is distance and letting go. 

8. We can influence haters but it is up to them to change. 

9. It is okay and beneficial to put up boundaries towards people who don’t mean well for you. 

12 Things that I know for sure.

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Although I haven’t met Oprah, I have been inspired by a lot of her work. I don’t believe in being a fan of someone that I don’t know; however, I am grateful for what she has done for the world and how she made spirituality more accessible and understandable to the mainstream across all borders. 

Oprah has a segment in her show, What I know for sure. Which has often inspired me to think about what I have learnt in my life. As a form of gratitude towards her and a celebration of what I have learnt, here are 12 things that I know for sure:

1. Each moment is too precious to be spend on negativity. 

2. Sometimes it takes mistakes to learn exactly where to go. 

3. Growth requires work and persistence. 

4. I can spend my life competing with others and be miserable or I can compete with my former self and thrive. 

5. Sometimes spiritual teachers and leaders show us how to not behave. 

6. Intuition is one of the most valuable assets that I will ever have in this lifetime. 

7. Some people will try to steal your light but it is up to you if you will let them or not. 

8. Listen to someone’s words about themselves and you’re listening to a story; look at someone’s actions and you are understanding their truth. 

9. There is enough for all of us. The idea that there can only be one (at the top) is a construct that was created to keep people divided.

10. I will only be at my full potential by accepting myself, loving myself and standing in my truth. 

11. Happiness is a moment; however, peace is a constant that you can always acquire within. 

12. Abundance is about forgiveness, acceptance, unconditional love, peace, manifesting and being in alignment with The Divine. 

6 Reasons to go back to school, by Diana Athena.

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Just like most people, I went to college right after I graduated high school. What I didn’t realize is that the universe had other plans for me and after two years of studying Hospitality & Hotel Management, I ended up moving to The United States. Adult life and freedom led me into the current of opportunities.

The ability to pay my bills by simply working at bars and restaurants seemed pretty tempting at first; however, the years were passing by and my first excitement has been replaced with questions like, “How much longer am I willing to do what I do?”, and ,“What will come after?”. I had been considering going back to school but was uncertain what I wanted to study. When you are older going back to school may seem a bit intimidating. It took me years (and some inspiration from close friends) to finally find the courage and take the first step by simply collecting information about the process of reinstatement. I went down the road from there, I’ve collected all the papers, applied and got accepted!

I can tell you, being a student in your 30’s is very different than being a student right after high school. But, it is still worth it! 

Being a freshman again made me realize a few things. This is what they are:

1. I have a better understanding of what I want.

I was 17 when I first went to college back in Russia and going to school was expected of me. At that age, i hadn’t yet understood who I wanted to be when I grew up. My interests were scattered between so many areas - I loved hospitality, theater, traveling ;but yet I also loved animals and wanted to be a veterinarian. Now when I am more settled, I can now better tell the difference between what I would like to pursue as a career and what would serve me better kept as a hobby. 

2. More confidence!

Now that I am a bit older, I have so much more confidence in myself. I no longer need to seek approval from peers or try to impress anyone. School is a place to work on my education, to get things done and to get better! 

3. Better time management.

Being a student while working a full time job (or 2 in my case) is not an easy task, but likely at this point of my life I have a better understanding of time management and self care, which helps me to keep a busy schedule and stay motivated.

4. I can choose classes based on what I already do to improve my performance.

Now when I am back at school, I have a clear idea of what I am drawn to. My past experiences serve as a strong foundation and relate to the knowledge that I am receiving at this moment. Having set opinions and believes helps to determine what exactly I would like to focus on in my education and my career.

5. New connections.

No matter how old you are it is important to keep expanding the circle of the people you know. Being back in school I have got to meet so many moving and inspiring people, who have changed my views and opinions and who I am continuing to learn from. 

6. The best investment of your time is investment into yourself!

There is always room for growth! Regardless of if it is getting another college degree, or taking some dance lessons because you have always loved salsa. Whatever it is for you, learning is a good way to stay ahead and to keep the everlasting energy of change flowing. 

I accept my invitation into The Beautiful Journey of Life. 

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I accept my invitation to The Beautiful Journey of Life.
I accept that we have flaws and are often times vulnerable to hurtful situations. The Beautiful Journey that I have been invited to reminds me that I choose to whom I will allow myself to be vulnerable.

I accept that we find ourselves wanting things from people that are not able to give it to us. The Beautiful Journey that I have been invited to, over time, introduces me to someone out of the six billion people alive who is gladly willing to do so.

I accept that from time-to-time someone will not agree with me. Someone will have an opinion that contradicts mine. The Beautiful Journey that I have been invited to considers an opposing opinion because the truth is the truth. However, perspective hinders or changes it. We are all allowed to share our version of events.

I accept that we are all able to be angry at something/ someone. The Beautiful Journey that I have been invited to acknowledges that emotions pass. They tell you stories of moods. The only thing that matters is what you choose for them to leave behind.

I accept that some people are not tolerant of others because of something that they have done or how they look. The Beautiful Journey that I have been invited to does not forget that we all feel the same pain. We are born the same, laugh the same and want to be considered just like others.

I accept my invitation to this Journey. Will you join me?

I ask you to join me because a Journey where 'bad' and 'good' scenarios are harmonized is a chance for you to be at your best. Yes, it is relieving to know that there is kindness in This World. However, challenge is often worn victoriously.

In this Journey, nothing is an obligation. However, situations are sent to you to question what you want and how you will survive.

Accept my invitation to a Journey that allows you to make a choice between healthy and unhealthy decisions. In this journey we embrace the power of consequence.

4 ways to work with The Universe

I had always believed that I had to be in control of everything in my life. It sounds impossible when put into words, but that's how I used to live my life until recently.

A few years ago, a few things were falling out of place and I had no idea what to do. I left one job to escape a problematic situation and started another job only to find myself facing an exaggeration of the same problem. I was in a relationship that felt like we were at war with one another because both of us wanted to be in control, and I had left a living situation with friends to live with a stranger in an arrangement filled with drama and turmoil.

It sounds clichéd, but one day I gave in. I found myself exhausted from trying to control everything when I was clearly unable to. This is what happened when I did decide to let go and let things take their course:

1. I stopped living in "when" and started living in "now."

I used to always say that I would be content when things would go my way. When I lose that weight or When I get that job or When I get that raise. I learned that living with expectance was not allowing me to appreciate the moment because I constantly wanted more. This created a cycle of my being unable to appreciate anything I had because I was so focused on wanting things to be the way that I wanted them to be.

Once I let go of the desire to have everything my way, I freed myself. I stopped driving myself crazy with wanting things to be different.

2. I started appreciating people.

When I let go of wanting people to respond or think the way that I had expected them to, it allowed me to appreciate the positive aspect of how diverse and unique we all are. People are allowed to be who they are. People will do things they want to; not how I want them to.

3. I learned a lesson from Nature.

The weather changes for a reason. It won't always be sunny; sometimes it will rain and if I love the sunshine as much as I do, I can appreciate the rain. It's helping me appreciate the sunshine because it reminds me that the Sun won't always be around. Just like life, there are some situations that may seem uncomfortable—sometimes even painful. However, these situations help us appreciate the situations that are joyful. When the joyful times come around, I remember when it wasn't joyful, which helps me appreciate it more.

4. I cried for a day and then got up the next day.

It was only natural for me to be sad or emotional when things weren't going my way; however, emotions don't lead to success—progressive actions do. I sobbed like a toddler who'd had a toy taken away from her, but then I got up and focused my energy on how to deal with the situation. I made a decision to take action because my emotions wouldn't get me as far as my actions would